Last Thanksgiving, I turned 64 and hosted a dinner for 20 people. I did a lot of cleaning, rearranging furniture, and soul searching. I spend a couple days prior to the event thinking about the things that make me tick, about my past, and the way I want the future me to look. After all Thanksgiving was the holiday, I was turning 64 and looking into the past has a way of showing us all the things we have to be thankful for, and on that day looking into the past provided me with the opportunity to see my growth as a Christian, and how much more I needed to grow.

Last Thursday I was asked to prepare to share with my students a time when I experienced suffering. Once again, I was drawn into the past and the story I choose to tell started 25 years ago when I was a much different person, and when I started my personal relationship with Christ. It begins with my mom asking me to attended Bible Study Fellowship after our family went through the tragedy of losing three family members. Before that day I did not have a personal relationship with God, I lived for me, and my focus was what made me happy. Many would say that is a good thing, but I know the pain and confusion that I felt in my life because of it. Living to be successful, and worldly, putting yourself first can be a lonely life, and living by the rule that I am a good person (by my standards) just has no substance. Focusing on my wants and needs may have earned me worldly belongings but it did not feed my soul. I am truly blessed that God is a God of second changes, and He showed me the way to a new life.

Today I still have a long way to go, but I see progress. My sinful nature will keep me from perfection, but I am getting much better at keeping my focus on God, and what He wants from me.  In Luke 10:27 (NKJV) He tells you to love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.  I try but so often I am like the Sons of Thunder and act a bit hot tempered and bold. Speaking of that I started this blog talking about my 64th birthday being on Thanksgiving and the time I spend reflecting as I prepared for the day. Well, I will go back to that day for a bit and just say it did not turn out as planned. All the planning and reflecting well it all flew out the window when I let pride and my temper get in the way, (once again my Sons of Thunder coming out).

So, what went wrong, I was following my plan and not God’s. You see, I have always been a planner and a big picture person. That means that I have already planned out the way a situation should look. Like reading a book or watching a movie I setup the scenario and when the actors go off script frustration sets in. It is easy to become disappointed in people when we set expectations on them and lose the ability to see their point of view or have empathy for their situation. It is my area I need to work on. I need to leave the script open and see how it plays out. I know that loving our neighbor as we love our self is difficult, but it is not impossible. So, I will pray for more guidance and turn more over to God. He knows the story from beginning and end and it is not for to me to rewrite it.   

Thanksgiving, and every other day of the year I have so many things to be thankful. I have a roof over my head, a loving God, a great husband, and wonderful family. My prayer this year is to continue to grow my knowledge of God’s word and to turn to prayer more often.